see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
