she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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