you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
