Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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