You can't special order awesome
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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