He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
