I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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