I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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