Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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