Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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