I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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