So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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