so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
