I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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