its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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