My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
