happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
