Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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