It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
