i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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