I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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