You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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