i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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