it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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