Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
