I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We have started to decorate penises.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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