I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
