I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
