The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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