I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
