I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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