Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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