I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
