I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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