I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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