u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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