I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He shit in the fireplace
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
