i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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