I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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