Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
