Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
