Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
