If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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