Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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