First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
