Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
