I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
