So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
