it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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