i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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