she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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